HOLY F*CK: HOLDING SPACE FOR MY SHADOW SELF

“Just like our sexual self don’t have much space to roam in this world, neither does our shadow self…” Read more HERE.

Today is my 38th birthday! Though I really don’t

Today is my 38th birthday! Though I really don’t fully understand this reality and the deep suffering and deep beauty here, I do understand I am here on a journey of LOVE and I will be inviting you in with me over and over again as I continue on it.
It feels like I am just barely starting the journey some days…
Armor comes down around the heart, then goes up again, clarity comes, clarity goes.
I feel peace with reality, and then I’m on the floor crying because it hurts how much suffering there is on this planet.
But I keep returning to my journey of letting Love clean me and open me and free me and clear me and liberate me-
Love finds all non-love in me and wipes through it like a tsunami, touching edges that haven’t been seen in many years.
The process is sometimes exhilarating, but mostly like a vast soul surgery Love is doing on my deepest wounds…
Love asks me to stand and trust when I don’t want to.
To let go of control and plans and let the ride continue-
To examine my thoughts and behaviors and when they stray from Love and to call them back-
Calling forth the deepest darkest bits of the Heart and massaging them-
I could have run one million times from the Shakedown of Love, but somehow this time I’ve managed to stay and let Love really do it’s work with me so far.
I think we all have collective soul work we are doing in this wild time on this planet- and individual soul curriculums too- one of mine is opening my heart bigger than past hurt and keeping it open as Love from within.
No outside person can give that to me or you. It’s an inside job to un-kink the Love Streams in the Heart and I can say it’s starting to make more sense and I’m so glad I’ve not abandoned ship.
Thank you to you all who give me space as a writer, healer, artist, teacher, mystic, wild woman, poet to be seen and felt here. It’s such a gift to my heart to feel each of you.
And thank you to all the souls who have come to walk with me on the journey of Love. I cherish the ride so much.
😘 Alexandra
Pictured: Some of my Dear Hearts Teachers of Love I was with last week♥️ @vikain @lisanelsonlevine @eliburen + Hudson

In this week’s podcast episode I answer your que

In this week’s podcast episode I answer your questions about conscious love making! What does “conscious” even mean? “Sacred?” What’s the difference? You all submitted some great questions. Got to as many as I could. ♥️🥰
Above is an answer from the episode from one of them.
Linked in stories and bio. 😘
✨This episode is sponsored by @beducatedcom - a site for incredible curated courses in love and intimacy!
#beducated ✨Join now and use the code GODDESS for a discount- linked in stories and on podcast page.

I am deeply reminded we are each in a healing and

I am deeply reminded we are each in a healing and transformational process and so is humanity, and we are still smack dab in the middle of so much.
We can grieve, gather, do our own healing, find our voices and speak up, not ignore or avoid the tough stuff, and stand tall in the power of peace and love. Sit and pray. Show up. Speak up. Gather. Donate. Share stories and stay present. And also allow for moments of deep quiet.
My heart goes out to all beings suffering in all the ways. Hearts that are in pain. Hearts that are grieving.
May we have the courage to keep loving and feeling and healing, together.
Blessed Be. 🙏🏼❤️‍🩹🕊
Excerpt from my book: “F*ck Like a Goddess: Heal Yourself, Reclaim Your Voice, Stand in Your Power.” (@soundstrue, 2020.)

Yesterday I felt inspired to listen to a series of

Yesterday I felt inspired to listen to a series of voice notes I sent to a dear friend from 2019 after a retreat with the plant medicine ayahuasca (which I talk about on this week’s podcast).
It wasn’t my first time with the medicine, but it was the first time I asked directly: “What is blocking me from receiving the love I deeply yearn for?”
I heard a few things from my 2019 self that I wanted to share to anyone calling in love…
• Trying to stay in control when entering into love is impossible. Love asks for surrender.
• Choosing to date people who aren’t fully avail is a sneaky attempt at staying in control.
• Choosing partners not at a similar space of healing or self realization or life path is choosing not to surrender and trying to keep control.
• If you choose people who can’t lead you, you don’t have to surrender and you can stay in control.
In that deep medicine space I felt the clarity of my own deep fear of giving up control.
There are so many ways we avoid opening to love or our own gifts- the risks required feel hefty, the loss of control is a price of entry. And many other people hold fears that keep love at bay.
🌊❤️‍🔥If you’re wanting to explore your own edges in loving- come to Zion on retreat with my partner Eli and I. He has been practicing and teaching around polarity and men’s work and embodiment for many years (though he is very modest about his work). He is the person I chose to lead me where I can’t lead myself, taking the great risk of letting go of control.
Together we will lead you towards more love and opening and heart- ❤️‍🔥May 15-20 in the loving warmth of Zion, Utah.❤️‍🔥 A small group of people devoted to love.
Come if your heart calls you into greater opening-
xo Alexandra
Thank you to @melissalynnestangl and @soltarahealingcenter and the master healers Olga and America for holding my heart back in 2019. 🦋🙏🏼🦋

Recently I’ve mentored several incredible humans

On today’s podcast I speak with @melissalynnesta

On today’s podcast I speak with @melissalynnestangl of @soltarahealingcenter about the journey of healing with the plant medicine ayahuasca!🦋🌹
I’ve been honored to sit in ceremony with this medicine off and on over the last decade. My first ceremony was when I was 28 and I turn 38 next week.
I’ve sat in ceremonies with many elders and masters and some not so masters, but at @soltarahealingcenter I sat with Shipibo elders and master healers and it was like nothing I had ever experienced in other ceremonies.
In this episode we tackle a lot of the questions and issues around the culture that has formed around this sacred medicine, the power of this plant, and so much more.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
• Discussion on listening to your inner voice, even when it’s telling you to completely alter the course of your life, and ideas on how to navigate that for yourself.
• The different reasons people come to Soltara to sit with the medicine of ayahuasca, and how it can sometimes stem from desires to heal, to grow, to transform, and/or to seek answers on your life path, or where to go next in life.
• Ideas on the process of integrating what comes through in a plant medicine ceremony, and how that process can differ for each person, and can often be a very non-linear integration process.
• How doing deep transformational shadow work is actually very uncomfortable, more often than not, and how so much is gained through sitting with it and moving through those shadowy blocks and places.
• Ideas on getting tired of your old patterns holding you back, and how that can often be the catalyst to enter the deep transformational work and make a different choice for yourself.
• And more!
✨This episode is sponsored by @beducatedcom - a site for incredible curated courses in love and intimacy!
#beducated ✨Join now and use the code GODDESS for a discount- linked in stories and on podcast page 😘

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