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Literary Agent: Marilyn Allen, O' Shea Agency

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When I am worried it’s like a part of my Spirit is outside of me
pacing
Trying to figure it all out
Distracted
But when I say
Come home to yourself
That piece of Me
That Stressed Piece
The Confused Piece
The One Trying to Figure it All Out
Comes back to my arms
Weary
Exhausted
She Re-unites with me
And I feel a massive sense of relief
That I don’t have to worry anymore
I don’t need to know it all today
That all I have is now
That I am dying daily
That time is ticking
That THIS is it
Not THAT is it
But THIS
Right now!
.
And even though I got caught up in “what does this mean?”
Or
“Will this happen?!”
That the truth of the matter is
That
It doesn’t matter
If something is meant to happen it will happen
The way rain happens
The way poop happens
The way laughter happens
You don’t force it
When you try it hurts, it’s fake, it doesn’t work!
When you let go and surrender
It comes, when it comes
So the relief of
Not trying to figure it all out
Anymore
And instead just
BEING
Is a massive relief
The admission of “Well I have no idea what will happen. How things will turn out. And I’m okay with that. Im in the present and that feels good actually” is a mighty admission.
.
Being in the present and not future tripping feels
like a huge weight off the shoulders
Like an opening of sky in the chest
Like a burst of sun flooding a room
Feels soft like sheets from the dryer
Feels naked like a child from the bath
Giddy and cold
Exposed but happy.
.
I used to run down the halls after baths, naked, screaming, laughing with my cousins in Georgia
I used to walk barefoot in the creek
Making bowls from wet bright red clay
I didn’t worry if I would stumble upon a water moccasin
Or a copperhead
Both deadly snakes
I just put my hands in the water of the creek, played, laughed
Went barefoot
And I survived just fine
Surrendered to the present
Instead of worried about unseeen potential dangers of the future.
.
Learn from the child you when you can
She is your teacher and will remind you so much
Learn from the Now You too
All she wants is you to come home to her
So she can present
You presents
In the present.
.
Photo by @awesmic_scenes on the road home

I am sometimes incredibly Embarrassing
Embarrassed
Awkward
Ridiculous
Not well spoken
Confusing
Confused
Contradictory
Weak
.
And for that I say
Thank GODDESS
.
I am so grateful when things come to shatter my ego
Shatter the idea I think I know what’s up
That I know how it’s done
That I’m an expert
That I’m super advanced
.
HA
.
As soon as I have that ego thought it’s like I get a huge
WAKE UP
And I hear my spirit guides laughing at me
And I laugh with them!
I say:
Thank you
Thank you
For annihilating me
Again and again
Because
It keeps me fresh
and open
and humble
and soft
and beautiful
and devotional
in a way
that nothing else does
.
Each time I am smashed by something
My heart oozes out of my eyes and
I am a beautiful baby
Innocent
Soft
Not hard in my “I know what’s best for the world and you” mindset
Noooope
I don’t know what’s best for you
Only you do
I don’t know what’s best for the world
I can only hope to contribute to my corner with love
I’m here to learn Love
To know Love
To be Love
And let that be my act of Service
.
I have a long way to go
I’m just a baby learning what’s possible
And it’s so humbling
And embarrassing
And beautiful
And human
.
To admit:
I know very little about the big cosmic picture
I don’t have it all together
I am a soft and open juicy mushy mess
I share what my heart is called to share and hope for the best
But when I think
I KNOW
what’s really up
That Which is Way Bigger than me
tickles my ego
Laughing and laughing
And I am reminded
Of my delicious
Messy
Embarrassing
Humanity
And what a joy and pleasure it is to experience this complex existence of wanting to know
and be
embodied love.
.
Everything can be your Teacher if you’re open to being taught.
.
Look for the things that teach you and wake you, and instead of running from them, run towards them.
.
It will take massive courage.
Fire.
Community.
Daily Practice to withstand the intensity.
.
But I’ve heard that when you stay in that asana for long enough you experience things beyond your wildest dreams...so fuck it, I’m going for it- and you’re welcome to join me.
.
#kalima #omnamahshivaya #dating as #guru #tantricpath
.
📷by @caitlinmstudio

Yesterday I was reminded that usually our wounds don’t go away. They change. They morph. Our relationship to them shifts. But ask anyone who has been through hard times or traumas or deep pain and they will likely say it never leaves fully, but the way we relate to the wound shifts.
.
It may heal, scar, unkink itself, but it isn’t magically erased never to be seen again. Instead it becomes a guru - a teacher that brings dark to light and that comes to visit when you need a hearty dose of “Wake up!”
.
It’s a valuable teacher. A necessary one. And if you can dive into it with no stories or attachment instead of run - you will awaken again and again and again.
.
But how frustrating it can feel when you’ve done so much work and you feel on top of the world and then there is this reality check and surprise visit from the Guru, Wound Teacher - and the wound pinches your ass reminding you “Hi Baby! I’m still here!” and you scream “WTF?!?! No no honey I’m done with you!” But you aren’t in control. And when that wound needs to gasp for air it does it to remind you of something.
.
To wake you up again to yourself.
To wake up those around you.
To bring hope.
To keep you real.
To keep you grounded.
To remind you how far you’ve come.
To crack your heart open when it gets hard around the edges.
.
The magic is in HOW you engage with the wound: if you let it pull you under it’s murky waters and keep you hostage for days or if you turn that wound into ART.
.
Open like a flower to it.
Choose victor over victim.
Let it soften you.
Make you more vulnerable.
Like it be a magic carpet ride into a deeper layer of you.
.
This is a practice.
.
I’ve been practicing it for years and it’s still not easy. But every time it gets easier. More fun. More comical. More mysterious. More adventurous.
.
Turning that pain into a moment where I can open more to myself. Wake up more deeply and dispel more fear, by turning it into love.
.
You either shove it under the rug or you say “Hey Baby let’s dance!”
.
And well, I myself LOVE dancing!
.
Happy Monday ♥️
.
Photo by @awesmic_scenes before we went into an afternoon Ceremony of my Soul🔥🌈⚡️

There was a moment a few years ago where I surrendered to the fact that I am a love driven being. And that I am lead by the desire to love and connect more than my ambition or drive for “success” or “impact.”
.
This melting took a me a while to admit...I fought it hard.
I thought I was weak for admitting that my desire to connect and give and receive and BE love was bigger than my desire to help the world or create a legacy.
.
But in the surrender to my desire for love I believe I am able to be a bigger gift to the world than if I just made more things.
.
By walking down the street admitting that love is an important part of this human existence.
.
This vulnerable admission
This often judged sentiment
This overlooked important piece-
In my admission
In my surrender to this
I come home again and again to something bigger than me.
.
Even though it feels isolating often to be a person who cares less about success and more about love and connection-
Sometimes I feel I am reaching in the dark yelling “Is anybody with me? Anyone wanna value this with me?” And I see busy people on their missions and on their phones...and then some days I am one and I forgot the deep love in me...and some days I wanna move to a commune. And some days I wanna work my ass off.
.
I believe you can have a big mission
And you can also value connection-
Deep and meaningful connection!
.
And deep and meaningful LOVE.
.
(Which is the only kind I am interested in at this point in my life!)
.
And this is the pain of returning from Burning Man,
And attempting to feel the same degree of love and connection and family here in New York...a city that seems to value success and ambition over deep love and connection. *SEEMS* is the key word. Though I have lived here 11 years off and on- I am willing to find a new side to this city this time around. A side that values love and family and connection as much as the other stuff. It may take a second. It may try my patience. But I’m willing to give it a chance to surprise me.
.
AND SO IT IS.
.
Thank you @halcyonpink for my fave camp to relax at 💗💕#burningman2018

I have hinted at this but wanna officially announce that my first book will be published with @soundstrue in 2020!
.
Two books I have been carrying around for FIFTEEN YEARS as Bibles of sorts were both published by them so when I got the offer I sobbed so much!
.
The books “Dear Lover” and “The Magdalen Manuscript,” published by them, were MAJOR game changers for me that I have read again and again and again since I was 21. FOR 13 YEARS! These books have made me feel less alone in the world. They are books that have made me weep one thousand times. Helped me to know the deepest parts of my soul. So the offer to be published amongst them struck me to my core.
.
@soundstrue has published so many others who have highly influenced my spiritual path in major ways including @babaramdass, @eckharttolle, @anipemachodron, Sally Kempton, David Deida, @jack_kornfield, @tarabrach — some of the most amazing spiritual teachers in the world! I am beyond honored to soon be an author amongst them! Beyond.
.
The book is called “F*ck Like a Goddess: a step-by-step radical guidebook to healing yourself, reclaiming your power, and stepping into your full queendom!!
.
It will be a sexy, wild, weird, purgative, pleasureful ride I am sure- like each film project or piece of art I have made. Like a medicine ceremony on paper. The FULL spectrum. My goal is you get a healing just by seeing the cover! And to create a book you can flip to anytime you’re triggered, in need of help, advice, or wisdom.
.
I’ll be working on that magic for the next year or so and sharing the teachings in retreats, workshops and group coaching in the mean time.
.
Thank you to @iamsahararose for the intro to our book agent ♥️ and to ALL OF YOU for reading my writing here everyday.
.
You have given me the strength, courage and fire to write this book and share more of my stories with the world. I hope I can do the same for you.♥️
.
📷 @alexyael

Last night in my friend Paul’s sound and breath meditation I heard the clear voice coming up through my cramping womb saying I need to offer one off energy healing sessions again! I had stopped doing it because things got busy with my Intensive Program and all the retreats I was leading, even though that was what I was mentioned in the @nytimes for. I was like of like “Woman you're moving back to NYC and that’s too woo.”
.
But after doing hands on energy work at Burning Man, and seeing many of my long term clients have such amazing catharsis recently in this work, my Heart is calling me back to it and I have cleared all residual woo shame!
.
Link in my bio to schedule one off in person sessions. NYC only for now cause I like to put my hands on your heart and sing to you and hold you and dry your tears ❤️
.
And I will be doing ✨2 FREE sessions a month for NYC women in need ✨who can’t afford one on one, inspired by one of my healers and teachers who has been gifting me donation based sessions for years. In my most dire times he helped me so much and would let me pay him in sage and raw chocolate and donations to tribal organizations. So it’s my turn. To get on this list pls email ONE sentence about your need to my team at hello@alexandraroxo.com and we will email you with times I can see you.
.
I’ll be seeing clients at @maharosenyc in Greenpoint. (Also leading a retreat there in October right after coming back from a Divine Feminine Tantric Buddhist Retreat in Italy so the vibes will be on!!) All links above.
.
One of the things about meditation, ceremony, nature, getting quiet is that you WILL receive messages about where you are in alignment or not in alignment. Where you’re opening to love or running from it. The messages are always there waiting for you to listen. It just takes time and devotion and daily practice and your Soul will whisper to you daily. I promise. ⚡️If you need help finding your center and practice weekly group coaching in Moon Club is 50% off this week!⚡️
.
I returned from the Burn wanting to give more. Because I’ve been given so much in my darkest times that’s been a light to the other side of my own healing. 🙏🏼
.
Big Love ♥️

Sometimes you find yourself gently skipping along the surface of the ocean, enjoying the levity and bounce in your steps, watching birds zip past your face, noticing boats zoom close, waving to clouds, kissing the sun, above that great body of water that tickles your feet below, you move at light speed. And the moment you notice you’re floating on the surface, that’s the moment you plunge, and suddenly you’re pulled back into that mysterious depth, your body turning to mush, like a soft rag doll.
.
You’re reminded of the vast abyss under your surface.
.
You’re reminded of the fluorescent creatures moving through your veins, memories of past loves and seedlings of future ones.
.
Things slow down to an ancient speed, and now you’re really floating,
under the sea,
all you can do is surrender to the dark and vast abyss, soften to the pace of the floating creatures around you,
let yourself be engulfed,
by something greater than you, that no matter hard how you fight, will always be in control.
.
It will always win.
.
That ocean is bigger than you. It laughs at you when you try and swim against it.
If you tried to control it you would die trying.
.
No matter how much you try.
It will always win.
You are just a tiny spec in its infinite waters.
.
So why not surrender to its flow? Allow yourself to become that graceful mermaid, laying on a Great White, eating seaweed for breakfast, letting the Divine Flow of All That Is be your Guide.
.
New Moon Note to Self: Surrender. From the Red Tent.

A new cycle begins, through the lense of the
Internal World,
The Lunar Vibes,
The Subtle
we are reminded of the shift in time and in us...
.
If you didn’t hear my Moon Club Virgo Tips link in bio 👆🏽 Tis a beautiful, clear time to re-evaluate, re-assess, and recommit to yourself and your contribution to the world after Summer’s Adventures and Explorations.
.
Today I’ll be leading my monthly New Moon Guided Journey for @wearemoonclub - my fave time of the month in Moon Club! And since I dreamed of climbing a tree with a black bear I feel very ready to open the portals today✨🚪 ✨♥️
.
Then I’ll be going into a Serpent Ceremony to reconnect to some of my own ancient wisdom on this New Moon. 🐍 It’s been a while since I have been with snakes! Since April! So I am a bit nervous. But also very excited!!
.
Why do I go into medicine ceremony, get tied up and dangled upside down, and meditate with snakes on my body?!!! So I can access deeper wisdom through altered stares and bring it back to share!
.
Getting out of the default mindset is very important for my writing, teaching, and work as a healer.
.
You don’t have to go the extreme route like me but you can get out of the default mind mode by breathwork, meditation, making art, making love, dance, and much more.
.
What a journey it is to be alive and to reclaim your mind, body and soul as a vehicle for great beauty and change on the planet! 💃🏻🎉🧘🏼‍♂️🌹It is YOURS. Grab it and enjoy it and do something with it!
.
Stay tuned for my work with the snakes in my Stories today!
.
Loving You 💕#VirgoNewMoon #NewMoon #VirgoSeason

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